My name is Tracy Johnson and I am an adult college student with a learning disability. As a special education student all of my life, there have always been obstacles and challenges in my life that stood in my way of achieving my goals. Because of my academic challenges I developed low self-esteem and I was often depressed. I only applied for unskilled low wage jobs that did not require me to read or write very much. However, deep inside I just knew that God had something better in store for my life. It has taken many years of unsuccessful attempts in school to help me realize that my learning disability is not a curse, but a blessing.
I started out as an average child. I progressed from kindergarten third grade and so forth in regular education classes. However, after entering the sixth grade, my teacher and the school counselors felt that I did not possess the academic abilities to keep up with my classmates, so they called my mother in for a meeting. In that meeting my mother was told that I was “not giving one hundred percent to my schoolwork, that I had much difficulty with basic math, reading and spelling.” A few days after the meeting, I was taken out of my classroom and called into the counselor’s office to take a series of tests. Upon completion of the tests, my mother was called back in for second meeting to go over the results. The results indicated that I was below average in reading, English and math. Many of my report cards indicated that I had server problems in reading, spelling, mathematics, and social studies. My mother was advised that I should be removed from my regular class and be placed into a special education class as that would be the best thing for me. The next day, at the end of our class, my teacher as well as the school counselor came over and told me that I was being removed from my class and that I was going to be placed in a special education class. I remember that day vividly because it was truly one of the worst days of my life. I cried and cried for days on end. Each day I was taunted and teased by my former peers. They laughed at me and told me I was stupid and retarded. From that day on I remained in special education classes throughout school. However, deep down in my spirit, I never felt as though I belonged there and everyday I would work as hard as I could to get out. But that day never came. When I was in high school a teacher told our entire class that we would never be able to go to college that we lacked the skills and abilities for college. This was one of the second worst days of my life, because although he spoke to the entire class it felt as though he was speaking directly to me. In spite of what this teacher said, I knew that I had a desire to go to college and that somehow God was going to make a way for me to go to school. In the book of Proverbs it tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 and that is exactly what I began to do.
As a child growing up in North Philadelphia , my grandmother took us to church every Sunday. When my brother and I moved to Northeast Philadelphia with my mother, there was a minister who lived in our neighborhood who would offer to take the neighborhood children to church. I loved going to church and I was always drawn to the Word of God and His love for us. The stories of Jesus and His compassion for mankind would often comfort me and help me find acceptances where my peers rejected me. The word of God says “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord; because they called thee an Outcast,” Jeremiah 30:17. As a child, throughout school, as well as some my adult life I battled with low self –esteem and doubt because of my learning disability. The only relief I would get was when I went to church on Sundays. It is true when the Bible talks about the joy of the Lord being our strength. Nehemiah 8:10. I would have never gotten through those trying times in my life with out God’s strength.
In spite of what that high school teacher said, after I graduated I applied to Community College of Philadelphia . That was where my dream of becoming a college graduate became a nightmare. After taking the entry-level exam, I was told I that needed to take some basic literacy classes. I agreed to do so because I was willing to do
whatever it took for me to get into college. In the classes, I was given the same work that I received in high school. I knew that this was not were I needed to be, but I stayed there because I thought that this could help me increase my skills. However, after I completed the course, my skills did not improve at all; in fact they remained the same. I went back to Community College of Philadelphia (CCP) and reapplied. That was when I had and encounter with an extremely hostile counselor. This woman shouted and yelled throughout the whole meeting saying things like; “Who told you to come here? Who told you, you could go to college? You won’t make it here.” I felt like all of my hopes and dreams where being ripped apart. My mind went back to what my high school teacher told us and I began to think maybe he was right, that I could not go to college. I knew that God still loved me, but I felted as though I was being robbed of my hopes and dreams and I gave up on my pursuit of attaining a college degree. I began cleaning classrooms for the Philadelphia School District . This was only supposed to be a temporary job until I was able to get a clear direction for my life. It lasted a lot longer than I expected, in fact, I remain in the position for a number of years.
One day, I was at work and I saw pamphlet listing the signs and symptoms of a person with dyslexia. I went through the check list and realized that I identified with all of the symptoms. The next day, I went through the yellow pages and saw a listing for The International Dyslexia Association (IDA). I only remember hearing about dyslexia once or twice from an episode of The Cosby Show, but I never knew what it was. I called The (IDA) and spoke with one of the volunteers and she told me that I could schedule a screening test and that would determine if I had dyslexia. After the screening the results indicated that I was, indeed, dyslexic. All my life I was told that I was dumb, stupid and below average. There was finally a reason why I was having so much difficulty in school. I was also given a list of tutors that specialized in helping individuals with learning disabilities. The next day, I called tutor and service that was on the list. Some of the tutors were out of my price range and some of the free or low-cost programs did not have any tutors available who tutored students with learning disabilities. I continued to go down the list until I was blessed to find a tutor who’s name was Judith Mazer. Judith happily accepted my request and we began our sessions the very next week. We worked on a reading program called the Wilson Reading System, which is a reading program specifically structured for student who are dyslexia. It took me approximately two years to complete this program. During that time, God was directing me to a new church in N.J called Nothing But The Word Deliverance Church where I started taking Bible classes. Through a more organized and systematic study of the word of God I gain more confidence and determination. Ultimately I received a Bible certificate with honors through the Bible Institute. After completing the reading program and the Bible classes my tutor and my family encouraged me to give college another try, I was reluctant, but I prayed about and God opened a door. I applied to Harcum College in Bryn Mawr , PA and I was accepted. I began taking two classes each semester while still cleaning for the Philadelphia School Board. Although my academic abilities had improved tremendously, I was still far behind my peers. I need extra support to keep up with the load of reading that was required at the college level. I remember IDA telling me about an organization called Recoding for the Blind & Dyslexic. They record text books for students who are blind or who have a learning disability. Through the disability support office at school I was able to get my text books on CD ‘s. It still takes me longer to complete my work, but with God all things are possible. In fact, I graduated from Harcum College with honors in 2004 with a 4.0 grade point average. On the day of my graduation my scripture calendar read “Commit thy ways unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” Psalms 37:5 I am still holding on to is scripture because it continues to breathe life into my future. Currently, I am working on a Bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in Human Resources at Cabrini College . In spite of the many barriers that I had to face and some that I am still facing I know that without a doubt God is still with me. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ with strengtheneth me.” God has turned this curse into such a blessing that now I am asked to speak at various colleges, events, forms to share my testimony and through it many have said that they have encouraged. My prayer is that others who are struggling rather it be with a learning disability, physical disability or anything else in their lives that seem hopeless. Know that only with men are things impossible; but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
Copyright Tracy Johnson
